So, for those that don’t know, Master and I play pretty hard. So hard that both of us usually wind up with a bruise/injury or two from the effort. For those who have never seen us play it can be jarring– he punches me in the face and body (including the stomach), does things like choke me out then kick me awake, degrades me, and generally tortures me on a whim. To us that’s just Friday, but to many it can be upsetting.
Recently, I was alerted to a Fet writing (that has since been removed) going on about how Master is abusing me (as well as another girl he negotiated to play with) and how very dare he! In total our scene lasted maybe 20 to 30 minutes of the ~4 hour play party. Now, I could go into the, “YKINMK, if you don’t want to see it go somewhere else” narrative, but that’s already been covered to death. What I’d rather focus on is that this individual at no point attempted to contact me or even contact my friends to ask if I’m okay. There were several occasions during this event where I was alone and out of sight of Master. Apparently our scene upset them so much that this individual said that they were ready to interrupt my scene with Master to “kick his ass” and yet, no attempts to reach out.
I get it, we are on the more extreme end of the spectrum. So when people are concerned for my wellbeing I appreciate it. As a survivor of domestic violence, I appreciate it. When people approach me with their concerns, it gives me an opportunity to explain that what Master and I do is consenual (and in 50% of cases my idea). However, if you truly believe a person is being abused, writing a FetLife journal about it doesn’t help them.
For those who watch us play, I am not abused. But if you suspect someone is being abused then do your research on how to approach the situation. Find out who their friends are and reach out if you’re concerned about reaching out to the individual directly. Your FetLife writing doesn’t help the person who is in a relationship they can’t leave. Your FetLife writing doesn’t bring any abusers to justice. Your FetLife writing just makes you feel better about your opinion and judgments.
This has been a growing trend as digital communication becomes easier and easier–people “care” about things on a surface level but put in no real effort to address them. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is there for a reason (they even have chat now!). Explain your concerns and get advice on how to help.
If you truly think someone is being abused, ditch the Fet post and find out what you can do to actually help them.