For Wild Fillies Who “Break”

From the beginning,
You desired my everything

And, I fought.

I gave an inch
You demanded infinity

You gave me rules
I bent them

You gave me protocols
I treated them like memos

And through all this, I still fought

But then…

When I cried
You stayed

When life was so unbearable I couldn’t breathe
You held me

When I looked at You and said, “I’m really scared.”
You said, “I will always take care of you.”

But, still, I fought…though, maybe a little less

You wanted more of me than I even gave myself. You demanded it because You knew I always was and would be Yours.

When I finally tried to run, You fought past your own heartache to save me. To save us.

When I told you “I don’t know where I fit into your life anymore.”
You smiled and said, “You’re the core of my life. I will always¬†choose you.”

Yet still, I fought…kind of

Then one day something inside me broke. Like a dam, gone were the insecurities and fears that kept up the wall between me and the Unknown. The wall between seeking and surrender.

You took me from living in constant survival mode to being wholly and irrevocably Yours.

Now my need for You is insatiable

My holes ache to be filled by You at all times

My skin burns to feel Your touch

My eyes yearn for the look in Yours when I am on my knees in front of You

My muscles crave to be sore from torment at Your hands

My collar feels comfortably heavy as if Your grip were always on it

I follow where You lead, even if those places are terrifying

I am secure in the space You’ve built for me.

I don’t need to be wild anymore.

I am Yours, always.